Foreword

Let me first apologize for this not being my first post, but that is sort of the point to be made; I do not have ANY concept of time.  A lot of people say that about themselves or others, but I doubt most of them have ever even glanced the portrait of ineptitude that is my ability to tell time.  For one thing, I am (at the time of this writing) a 34 year old man and yet it takes me an average of 3 minutes to read an analog clock, and when I do so I would generously estimate my accuracy at around 75%.  My trouble with clocks however, is just the beginning…

Sometimes I feel like I’ve come unstuck in time like Billy Pilgrim [Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut].  I will think about a moment in the past (or future!) and transcendentally travel to that point in my life to experience it for the first time; then suddenly without cause or warning I return with the memory of my travel, but none of the time passed while I was gone; which can span hours in which I interact with people or perform complex tasks like preparing a meal or driving.  The horror of which is not lost on me, and often results in a subsequent panic attack.  Now I know how that sounds, but some of you with Borderline Personality Disorder, or those of you who are psychotic or mentally divergent like me will know that I am not lying or embellishing…

Point being: I experience time in a three-dimensional way, and as such chronology is (for the purpose of this blog) beyond the scope of my powers.  Furthermore, please don’t get hung up on mistakes I make or intersecting and seemingly contradictory timelines.  This blog is merely flinders of my memory and is therefor inherently flawed, but I assure you dear reader, I have not invented anything contained herein.  All events are told as I remember them and to the best of MY knowledge as they actually occurred; so (like any good lie) they are at least 85% truth.  As for the rest, think what you will…